Sibling Missives
by wintryone
Summary: A series of letters between Fenris and his sister Varania. The correspondence between them explores the reconciliation of this estranged brother and sister, and also reveals some of Fenris' mysterious past. A companion piece to The Misadventures of Mari Hawke: Redux.


_A/N I've been meaning to re-post these letters between Fenris and his sister Varania, but they were misplaced in the mess of folders on my hard drive, lol! So, today I finally hunted them down, and now I offer them to you again. _

_Thanks for reading! It all belongs to Bioware._

_This is dedicated to syynn666_

* * *

**FROM VARANIA TO FENRIS**

Leto,

I have agonized for weeks whether I should write this letter. I have no idea if you will even deign to read the words that I now write, and I cannot blame you if you choose not to. But if you are reading this, I thank you for even that small consideration. I do not deserve it.

There is much that I would say to you, much that I could tell you of your past, our family, the history of our lineage. Yet I know not if you wish to hear these things from me. You gave me the chance to find out, and I used that chance against you to save myself from poverty and despair. I wish I had chosen differently. I wish I had trusted the man you are now, as I once trusted the boy I remembered. I believed that what Danarius had done to you was akin to the murder of my dear brother. Now I see that you were stronger than the Magister - that you have surpassed even my fondest memories of your strength, your courage and your mercy.

Your friend was right. Allowing me to live was a just punishment, for now that I know what I have lost; that I might have had my dear brother returned to me, I live in constant regret. I called the Champion your friend, but I believe in my heart that she is much more than that to you. It was by her word that you stayed your hand. Knowing you as I once did, she must be more important to you than even Mother and I were when you were young. You never listened to us – always did what you thought to be best. The proof is that you entered the competition for those markings… we begged you not to.

It is with that belief that I send you this token of our clan. It is a ring that has been passed down through the male line for countless generations. Mother wore this ring on a chain around her neck until her death several years ago, even though the magic of it ceased to function upon Father's death many years before. It was always meant to be yours to give to your love, your vhenan'ara… *

There is an old, rare magic on this ring. When placed upon the finger of your one true love, it will never leave her finger as long as you live. Only death breaks the magic. The legend says it was a gift from the Creators to our clan – a boon given for generations of perseverance and loyalty.

Lastly, I pray that you will perhaps one day find it in your heart to forgive me, Leto. I know not whether we will meet again in this life, but please know that I will hold you dear in my heart, even as I regret what I did to you.

Your sister,

Varania

_The etching on the ring:_

_Vir Assan ~ Vir Bor'Assan ~ Vir Adahlen_

_Which means -_

_Do not waver ~ Bend but never break ~ Together we are stronger than one_

* * *

**FROM FENRIS TO VARANIA**

Varania,

I am sending this letter to you at the address from which you posted your last, not knowing if it will reach you after nearly four years have passed. You asked me then to forgive you, and it has been on my mind and in my heart since that time.

I admit there is a part of me that can never forgive that you would have doomed me to a return to my life as a slave. Perhaps if you had known what I suffered under Danarius' hand you may have chosen differently. At least that is what I hope, and it is with that hope that I now write to you.

You said that you thought I was lost to you; that the brother you once knew and loved was gone – erased from this world by the ritual that gave me these markings. There is some truth to that. While I was a slave I knew nothing, thought nothing, felt nothing other than what Danarius allowed me. I lived purely in the moment, my only desires to please my master and avoid punishment.

I have already recounted to you the story of my time with the Fog Warriors and my escape from Danarius when first I wrote and asked you to come to Kirkwall. What I never mentioned was those years as a runaway slave – years in which I lived solely on instinct, wanting nothing more than to stay alive and avoid recapture. I suppose I was little more than an animal – a beast caught in a struggle for survival. The only feelings I had then were a terror of being caught and a growing hatred for my former master. I lived daily with the pain of the lyrium under my flesh and suffered nightmares each time I closed my eyes. In some ways that life was no better than being a slave had been. The only difference was that I was no longer being controlled by a sadist who took pleasure in tormenting me and causing me pain. Of course I not only blamed Danarius, but also all mages and magic itself.

That was my state of being when first I arrived in Kirkwall, Danarius and his hunters hot on my heels. I had no delusion that I could avoid capture on my own and sought help from a dwarf who was well acquainted with the city's seedier elements. I thought that the best I could hope for was to die fighting, but I intended to take Danarius into the void with me if I could.

And then I met Hawke.

I have spent much time and thought on that first meeting. As I said, I had been living as little more than an animal, and the best description I have been able to come up with is that when I first saw her, the man inside of me, so deeply buried after the life I had lived, began to awaken.

Do not mistake me. Although Hawke was certainly one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, it was her kindness, her willingness to help me with little or no personal gain that first pushed its way past the hate and the rage that was all I had memory of ever feeling. From the first she looked at me as if I were truly a person instead of an ex-slave or an odd elf with strange tattoos covering his skin. I had never experienced such a thing, and when I was offered a chance to work with her, I pushed my fears and misgivings aside and accepted immediately - because she had looked at me in that way. Finally I wanted something for myself that was more than mere survival. I wanted Hawke's clear eyes regarding me as a man.

That remains perhaps the best choice I have ever made.

It is because of Hawke that I write to you now. Not because she has advised me to do so, but rather because of what she has taught me. Through simply being herself, through years of unwavering love and loyalty, Hawke has shown me that love is stronger than cruelty, hatred and pain. Although she was never a slave, she has suffered much pain and loss in her life, and through it all she stayed true to herself and to her heart. Hawke has stayed true to me. You and I, we loved each other once, sister. Perhaps that can be salvaged.

Someday perhaps I will tell you the story of how this remarkable woman healed a broken man. It is a long story and perhaps better told than written. Yet there are some things I would have you know, in hopes that you will understand why I continue to attempt to forgive you.

First you should know that not long after you sent me our father's ring, I gave it to Hawke. From that day to this it has remained on her finger and cannot be removed. Not that either of us would choose such a thing, I tell you only to let you know that the magic of the ring was enacted. By the time I gave her the ring, I no longer had doubts that she was truly my love, but I do believe that we both benefitted from the new bond we created that day.

I'm sure you know what happened in Kirkwall between the mages and the Templars – circumstances that caused us to flee that city in some haste. Suffice it to say that we were fortunate to find some measure of safety, and have evaded the Chantry Seekers to this day. Not long after we left, Hawke and I were wed – you now therefore have a sister. In truth, not only a sister, but a niece and a nephew – twins born to us nearly three years ago. Melody and Farrell are their names, and they are the joy of our lives.

For now, that is all I wished to tell you. Perhaps it is not the absolution you wished for, but it is at least some beginning to reestablishing a relationship. If you wish a letter to find me, send it to Ostwick, in care of Pardus Langer of the Merchant's Guild. He will see that I receive it.

Your Brother,

Fenris

You will forgive me that I have not retaken my birth name, which holds no meaning for me. To Hawke I am Fenris, as she is Hawke to me. No other names will do. We have given the children her name, a strong Ferelden name that will see them in good stead.

* * *

**FROM VARANIA TO FENRIS**

My Dearest Brother,

So many years have passed, I had despaired of ever hearing from you. I opened your letter with trembling fingers and tears in my eyes.

How do I respond? I have no excuses, no reasoning. Quite simply, I was wrong. I acted out of fear – out of desperation. But these things I have told you. Today I am only filled with gratitude that you would grant me the privilege of hearing from you.

And you are married! I have a niece and a nephew! Oh, how I long to see them, to hold them. You told me little of your son and daughter, but my heart is already filled with love for them.

Brother, I am so sorry for everything your life once was, and more than anything sorry that I did not trust you when you extended that trust to me. But I am so happy for what your life has become. You deserve every good thing and more.

Although you did not ask it, allow me to share with you what I have managed to accomplish since my last letter. My response to you was slow in coming because my former employer in Minrathous forwarded it to me here at my new residence – the Circle in Hossberg.

You may think it an ill-advised decision on my part to submit myself to the Circle considering the current situation between mages and Templars all over Thedas. Here in the Anderfels, however, things are more stable. Perhaps it is that we are so near to Weisshaupt and the protection of the Grey Wardens, I could not say.

Two things motivated me to choose the Circle. The first was I had to leave Tevinter. The corruption of the power structure in the Imperium is partly to blame for my betrayal of you, my dear Brother. Living in such a sick society, you lose your sense of how wrong it really is. The laws may be corrupt, but they are the laws and you are fooled into thinking they are normal because everyone around you abides and agrees. After what happened with Danarius, my eyes were opened and I knew that I had to escape that place.

My other concern was living as an apostate in these tumultuous, uncertain times. As confining as the Circle can be, there is still safety within it, especially here in Hossberg, where the Chantry is more moderate and works to resolve the never-ending conflict between the Circle and the Templar Order. In truth, I consider myself fortunate.

The post is about to go out for the day, and I am anxious to see my letter off to you. If you ever find it in your heart to see me again, know I would be so very grateful.

Also, if you would like to question me of our past, our childhood together – of anything at all – know that I will answer with all the candor and honesty which I have learned to value to so very much these past years.

All my love to you, to Hawke and my niece and nephew,

Varania

Enchanter

Circle of Magi

Hossberg, The Anderfels

* * *

**FROM FENRIS TO VARANIA**

It is difficult for me to admit, but when I read that you entered the Circle of Magi in Hossberg, I felt proud of you. Although I have learned a better perspective of magic from Hawke and my sister-in-law Bethany (who is a mage, as well), the power and the temptation therein are a danger to all mages, and hence to everyone. I am glad to hear you take this seriously.

You mentioned I wrote little of the children. I suppose my omission speaks of my continued lack of trust where you are concerned. I will do my best to address that now, in consideration of the integrity that you seem to be now embracing.

Since my last letter, the twins have turned three years old. Melody is the oldest by nearly an hour. I need not describe her features to you other than to tell you she is a miniature version of her mother, from her coffee colored hair to the deep green of her eyes - eyes that sparkle as brightly as the most finely cut gem. Melody sings. She sings every word, every sentence in the sweetest voice you have ever heard. She is curious and full of energy, and also like her mother can smile her way out of almost any trouble. Perhaps the most curious thing about her, however, is the strange way she attracts birds, butterflies, small animals… many of the forest creatures, in fact seek her out and want to be near her. We have found no explanation for this, but it does not seem to harm her in any way.

Farrell is very different from his sister. I suppose he somewhat resembles me, at least Hawke thinks that he does. I sometimes wonder if it is more because of the serious expression he always wears on his face than that he actually looks like me. I suppose his eyes are the same color and his nose has a high bridge like mine. There is one question you could perhaps answer for me. Farrell's hair is golden blond; a color that Hawke says she does not think runs in her family at all. Perhaps you know of someone is our family with hair this color? I doubt that it was me, as my eyebrows are very dark, leading me to believe my hair was once dark as well. Farrell speaks as clearly as a child twice his age, and is very adept at everything he undertakes. He is patient and calm and adores his sister.

For the past year we have been traveling from place to place, never staying anywhere more than a month or two. I will not mention the actual locations we have visited, because there is every chance the Chantry Seekers are still looking for Hawke. Perhaps that danger will finally pass, as I have heard about trouble in Orlais, and of someone rising to power and influence there outside the normal structures of the Royal House and the Chantry. Perhaps a new Champion arises – this time for all of Thedas. Only time will tell.

I have no specific questions to ask you of our past, perhaps because I am content in my life as it is now. If, however, you wish to share your memories of our family with me, I would certainly be glad to hear them. Perhaps someday the children will wish to know more of their past than I can tell them.

I must be off. We set sail within the hour and Melody wants to visit the Chocolatier before we depart.

Yours-

Fenris

* * *

**FROM VARANIA TO FENRIS**

My Dearest Brother,

I thank you for telling me more of my niece and my nephew. From your descriptions, I almost feel as if I've had the pleasure of seeing them. To know that you have a family, that you are among people you love and who love you in turn, does more to heal my own heart than I ever could have hoped for.

You are quite right that as a child your hair was dark, black as obsidian, which puzzled our mother to no end because her own hair was red like mind, and our father's hair was – yes – golden blond. So in truth it is your coloring that that is the mystery and not your dear Farrell's. Although from what mother once told me, you resembled our father in every other way – especially your eyes, and you were tall like him.

Our parents' names were Celesia and Leygan, mother and father respectively. We were born in Seheron among the population of elven slaves there, but Father was killed in a raid by slavers sent from Tevinter, during which the remainder of our family was captured and sold in Minrathous. Mother, however, had been born and raised among the Alerion clan of the Dalish, and she would sometimes reminisce of her childhood traveling the wild lands of Ferelden with their herd of halla. Every night she would say a prayer to Mythal to protect us, and to Elgar'nan to free us from the bonds of slavery.

I wish I knew more of our people, our ancestors, but I was a child living in a city and her stories were of little interest to me at the time. The household we grew up in, that of Magister Therani, was a well-run, ordered family who treated their slaves, if not with actually kindness, then at least without cruelty. As children we hardly knew we were slaves, as we had the run of the estate as long as we kept out of sight of the family.

It wasn't until you were nearly fifteen that you began to understand and resent our circumstances. It was then that Master Therani sent you away to train as a warrior. After two years you returned to us much changed, and Mother worried over you constantly. You had always been serious, even somewhat somber as a child, but I don't know any other way to describe the change in you other than to say the light had gone out of your eyes. When you learned of the competition Danarius arranged, with the prize of a boon only a Magister could grant, you entered immediately despite how much Mother and I pleaded with you not to. Of course you won, such a fine, strong warrior you were, and you were lost to us. We gained our freedom, but we lost our most precious brother and son.

We heard little of you after you entered Danarius' service. Our life in the alienage was a hard one. We lived in abject poverty, and though I took in as much work as I could find sewing and mending the clothes of the lesser nobles, Mother's health soon failed and she was dead within the year.

I am ashamed to tell you I hated you after that, and my feelings were only confirmed when I saw you in the streets of Minrathous, those lyrium markings desecrating your flesh. And when you looked at me with cold unconcern, as if I were no more than the dirt under your feet, I hated you all the more. At that time I did not know you had lost all memory of me.

It has been painful to write these things to you, so you will forgive me if I end this letter here. Please remember that I no longer harbor those loathsome feelings, but instead my heart is once again filled with love for my dearest, most cherished brother.

Your Sister,

Varania

* * *

**FROM FENRIS TO VARANIA**

Dear Varania,

I am glad to have the puzzle of Farrell's hair coloring solved, even though my own coloring is now the mystery. Not that it matters, as my hair is no longer black. Farrell, however, seemed very please to know that he took after his elven grandfather. I was somewhat surprised to learn that our mother was born to the Dalish. Not a connection I relish, but perhaps when they are older the children will be glad to know of it.

I do not know why it never occurred to me that you were unaware my memories had been taken from me. When you saw me in Minrathous it was most certainly in my role as Danarius' body guard, and it was my duty to look upon each person as a potential threat to my master.

For a long time my first memory was of the ritual that gave me these markings – a memory of agony and torture. It wasn't until my relationship with Hawke became… serious that I began to remember anything before that, and the experience of recall was traumatic. I would remember everything in vivid detail only to lose it all again moments later.

That changed only after I stopped running from the trauma and, for Hawke's sake, began to face it head on. Some memories began to linger, many of them are of you and I together as children. I do not recall ever being sent away for training, or the events that led me to enter the tournament. Perhaps in time.

My struggle to understand and forgive you is made easier with the knowledge that you once believed I had willfully allowed you and our mother to descend into poverty. In truth, you must have held me responsible for her death, though you did not say so. Those are grievous things indeed. I cannot reconcile, however, that you would willingly condemn anyone, known or unknown to you, to the humiliation and torture I suffered at the hands of Danarius.

I have no desire to relive those years through the retelling, so I will only remind you that it took me nearly ten years to recover from what he did to me, and if not for Hawke, I doubt I would have ever done so.

I have sometimes wondered if I would choose to endure those years again if it were my only path to Hawke. My answer arises from my surety that I cannot imagine any life worth living that did not include her. When I think of Melody and Farrell, I would endure tenfold the treatment I received for their sake.

But enough of dwelling on the painful past. The present is a much more interesting and certainly more enjoyable place.

We have just returned from Ferelden where we stayed for some weeks. We might be there still if not for an unfortunate incident involving someone from Hawke's past. Currently we are visiting with Isabela and Pardus. You may remember Isabela from the night I killed Danarius. She was the one who resembled a pirate.

I sometimes worry that Isabela may not be the best influence on the children. Even though she has considerably tamed her once flagrant lifestyle since meeting Pardus, she remains often suggestive and inappropriate. I am concerned she will teach them bad habits. Yet the twins are very fond of Auntie Bela (as they call her), and she seems equally fond of them in turn. Except for one or two omissions, she has been a good friend to Hawke, and to me as well.

We will soon return to Starkhaven for Wintersend. It is there that I now feel most at home, surrounded by family in a way I never imagined I would be. It would please me if you could join us there, although I know it to be an impossible thing. As much as I am beginning to enjoy our correspondence, if we are to truly know each other again, only seeing your face and hearing your voice could hope to accomplish that.

Yours –

Fenris


End file.
